Non Mary Sueish Mary Sues
by darth-trinity
Summary: Two girls wind up in Middle Earth, but they are not true Mary Sues. They are still slightly klutzy, covered in dirt, and slightly stupid most of the time. Will Middle Earth survive? Well, um, define survive. Eomer/Gimli fans beware, there's bashing !!
1. Three word essays, more stupid stuff

Non Mary Sueish Mary Sues

CHAPTER 1

DISCLAIMER: 

Darth Trinity: I don't own Lord of the Rings. I wish I did though.

Vegesa: SSJ Jedi Knight: Be thankful that she doesn't.

DT: Where the hell did you come from?

SSJV: I'm your bestest bud, dumbass.

DT: Damn right bitch.

SSJV: Why the hell would people be suprised that we're best friends?

Crenius: I have no idea.

DT and SSJV: Hey Kelsi! Hey Kelsi! Hey Kelsi!

Crenius: Damn it.

************************************************************************

Kelsey sat pounding on the keyboard of her computer. She had finally finished her essay on what life would have been like in Early Canada. Of course, she had gone on and on about Lord of the Rings, but her teachers by now expected as much. 

As she hit print, she noticed that she still had seven hours before she had to "go to bed," or as she called it, "work on my fanfics until 2 am with a flashlight, then catch up on sleep in math class." She decided to call her best friend, GT.

She picked up the phone and punched in GT's number.

"Ya, what the hell do you want?" GT asked when she picked up the phone.

"Hiya dumbass." Kelsey said, by way of greeting.

"Is this the wicked bitch of the west?" GT asked.

"Duh. So, you finished your essay yet?"

"Ya. It took me like five seconds." GT answered.

"What?" Kelsey asked.

"My essay is three words long." GT explained.

"And which three words would those be?"

"Damn boring, jackass!" GT told her.

"Nice. So, you wanna go see Lord of the Rings?" Kelsey asked.

"Sure. Who else is going?" GT asked.

"Me. And you." Kelsey answered.

"Okay, meet you at the theater."

"Mom?" Kelsey yelled up the stairs as she hung up the phone.

"Yes?"

"Can I go to Lord of the Rings with GT?"

"Yes." Kelsey's mom answered. "But you have to take your little brother with you."

"But mom, he ruins the whole movie!"

"Unless, of course, you'd rather not go at all."

LATER............

"Okay, you do not sit with in five rows of us, we meet you in back of the theater when the movie is over, and we don't know you, kapeesh?" Kelsey asked, giving her brother a ticket.

"Fiiiine." He whined.

LATER................

The two girls sat in the movie theater watching The Two Towers. Well, at the moment, they were both screaming at the screen.

"WE DON'T CARE ABOUT THE DAMN HOBBITS!!!!!" Kelsey screamed. "GO BACK TO THE ELF!!"

"WE CARE ABOUT THE OTHER HOBBITS!!!!!" GT argued. "WE JUST HATE FRODO AND SAM!!!! SO WHAT IF THE WHOLE DAMN MOVIE IS ABOUT THEM?!!!!" 

The girls were interrupted from their ranting at the screen by a flash of light and a whooshing noise, and they both blacked out.

LATER.................

"Where the hell are we Kels?" GT asked, looking around at the plain that seemed to go on forever.

"I dunno. But my mom's gonna kill me when she sees that we abandoned my little brother at the movie theater." Kelsey replied.

"Does this place look familiar to you?" GT asked.

"Ya, I'm getting the whole deja vu vibe here." Kelsey answered.

"Same. This is freaky." GT agreed.

Seeing that there were no roads, street signs, or generally any signs of civilization, Kelsey turned to GT and asked the question that both girls were currently thinking. "So, are we screwed or what?"

"Yep. We're screwed all right. Hey, there was a flash of light, right?" GT asked.

"Ya."

"So we're likely in some movie or book, and we're Mary Sues." GT told her friend.

"AAAAH!!!!!" Kelsey screamed, turning to run and tripping over what was likely the only rock within five miles. "Waaaaaaaait a second. Aren't Mary Sues supposed to be ultra graceful?" She asked, her mouth full of dirt.

"Yes. And we're also supposed to be beautiful." GT informed her.

"Riight. No offense, but you look like you got dressed in the dark. You're hoodies crooked, and your hair's standing straight up." Kelsey told her friend, getting up.

"None taken. Your ass is covered in dirt. And you have dirt smeared all over your face." GT told her friend.

"Meh." Kelsey said. "So we have decided that we're non Mary Sueish May Sues. What now?"

"We should probably find out where we are." GT suggested.

"I don't wanna!" Kelsey whined. "My arm, ass and legs are still sore from track practice last night!"

"You fell down the stairs again didn't you?"

"Um...No."

"You ran into a post again didn't you?" GT asked.

"Honestly! What kind of moron do you think I am?" Kelsey asked. "It was a door."

"You are a moron." GT told her friend.

"Well, there shouldn't be a door in the middle of the hallway!" Kelsey argued.

"Riiiiight Kels. I think you're just stupid." GT told her friend.

"Shut up."

"Like hell I will!" GT retorted.

"Bitch!" Kelsey yelled.

"Tell me something I didn't know already!" GT yelled back.

Within minutes, the girls were screaming various insults at each other.

That was when a sword was pressed to each of their throats.

"Who are you and where did you come from?" Asked a voice from behind GT.

"My name is GT, I'm from another land, and if you don't move the sword NOW, I'll...Um....Do something!" GT yelled back.

"You are very bold for a maiden." The voice said.

"Newsflash asswipe! Maidens, as you call them, are not frickin Barbie dolls okey doke?" Kelsey yelled.

The sword pressed harder against Kelsey's throat. "And who might you be?" asked another voice.

"My name is Kelsey. NOW LET ME GO YOU ASSCLOWN!!!!!!" Kelsey screamed at the top of her lungs, which is really, really loud.

"And I suppose you're from another land as well?" The second voice asked mockingly.

"Well duh! Do I look like I have any idea where I am?" Kelsey asked sarcastically.

"No." The voice admitted. "You also appear to be unconcerned with the fact that I could easily kill you."

"You wouldn't kill me." Kelsey said, her braveness slipping for a second.

"I might. Stop lying." The voice said. The sword was starting to cut her now.

"I'm not lying. Now, LET ME GO YOU JACKASS!!!!!!" Kelsey yelled.

Both girls were thrown onto the ground.

"You made me jam my finger, you jackass!" Kelsey yelled, shaking her hand.

"I agree with the statement regarding jackass." GT said, brushing her hair out of her face.

The girls turned around. What they saw answered all previous questions regarding their location.

Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli were standing behind the girls, looking very confused.

"We're in Middle Earth?" Kelsey asked.

"I guess." GT answered.

"So, where are we?" Kelsey asked.

"I know where we are." GT told her. "We're in the middle of freakin nowhere, that's where!"

"That is actually the truth." Gimli admitted.

"Really?" GT asked. "I was just being sarcastic."

"Really?" Kelsey asked, sarcasm practically dripping from her voice. "I thought you were dead serious."

"Well, it's not really a surprise, I mean you can only wrap your pea sized brain around so much right?" GT shot back.

"Excuse me?" Kelsey said, starting to go into her bitchy valley girl mode. "What did you just say to me?"

"I called you a moron." GT replied, also starting to act like a bitchy valley girl. "Got a problem with it?"

"Um...Ya I got a problem with it, you ho!" Kelsey replied, getting right in GT's face. "So you can just shut your big mouth okay?"

"Hell no, I'm not gonna shut up! And I'm not gonna even start with you about that little ho comment you slut!" GT shot back.

"Excuuuuuse me?" Kelsey asked. "I'm a slut now? Well you can just shut your face okay?"

"Hell no! I-" GT began.

"Shut up!" Kelsey said, sticking her hand in GT's face and turning away.

Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli just stared.

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Okay, while I find the cure for writer's block, just hit the little purple button and type something nice in the box okay? ^_^


	2. Tormenting Gimli, really pissing Eomer o...

Non Mary Sueish Mary Sues

Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: 

DT: I don't own Lord of the Rings.

SSJV: Aren't you planning to-

DT: Ignore her! I am not planning a hostile takeover! Ignore everything she says! Hostile takeover not true!

darth-minime-evil: It is so true! I read it in your diary!

DT: YOU READ MY DIARY?!!

DMME: Ummm...no? *runs*

DT: I'm gonna kill you!!!!!! *picks up hand grenade and chases brother*

SSJV: Uh oh. If anyone sees a short teenage girl with red streaked hair holding a grenade, run very far very fast.

************************************************************************

"Can we sto-op?" GT whined, running along behind Aragorn.

"No. We. Do. Not. Stop. Until. Nightfall." He told her, gritting his teeth.

"Damn it." GT muttered.

"Think of it this way GT." Kelsey told her friend. "We could be in science or math class."

"AH!!!" GT screamed. "I'M TOO PSYCHO TO DIE!!!!!!"

"GT?" Kelsey asked, raising her eyebrow as GT ran around in circles.

GT was too busy screaming something about homework gnomes and fire to answer.

"On second thought, I don't even wanna know." Kelsey said, shaking her head and walking off to go bug Gimli.

"What now?" He asked.

"The blood sucking squirrels are gonna kill you while you sleep." Kelsey said perfectly calmly.

"WHAT?" Gimli shrieked, running in circles in a similar fashion to GT.

"What on Earth are you looking at me for?" Kelsey asked innocently as Aragorn turned to glare at her. 

"What did you tell him now?" Aragorn asked.

"I'LL NEVER SLEEP!!!" Gimli screamed, running past. "THE BLOOD SUCKING SQUIRRELS WILL NEVER GET ME!!!"

"I swear, I didn't do it!" Kelsey yelled.

Aragorn stared at her like she was psycho.

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!!" Kelsey yelled, running in circles too.

Legolas appeared very amused at how Gimli was now convinced that blood sucking squirrels would kill him and was trying very hard not to laugh.

"Honestly Legolas, I would think you would act a little more mature about this whole thing." Aragorn said, now evidently annoyed.

"Mature? I've heard that word somewhere before." GT said, stopping running in circles.

"It is likely used to describe exactly the opposite of you." Aragorn informed her.

"WHAT?!" GT yelled. "THE PIXIES WILL NEVER GET ME!!!!!!" She once again began running in circles.

Legolas was now trying very hard not to laugh.

"SILENCE!!!!!!!" Aragorn yelled at the two circle running psychos and the terrified screaming dwarf.

This got the attention of Gimli at least, and the two psycho teenagers did stop running and quieted their screaming to a whimper, but they did keep bouncing up and down on the spot.

"There will be no more screaming!" Aragorn yelled. "Is that understood?"

"Hey, your face turns almost the exact same shade of purple that our science teacher's does when your really pissed off." GT observed.

"No, Roszell's turns almost bluish purple." Kelsey argued.

"Of course, you would know this Kels." GT told her friend.

"Hey! I hardly ever get yelled at in class!" Kelsey argued sarcastically.

"Riiiight Kels." GT said, raising her eyebrow.

"Hey! I haven't gotten in trouble yet!" Kelsey argued. "This week." She added.

"What about the little attendance incident?" GT asked.

"Okay, when he calls my name at like seven in the morning, he should expect certain bad words coming out of my mouth." Kelsey argued.

"Kels, it was ten am." GT told her friend.

"Same diff!" Kelsey argued.

"Riight Kels whatever you-"

"Are you finished?" Aragorn yelled, his face turning even purpler.

"See, now you're lookin' more like Roszell." Kelsey told him, nodding her head.

"Be!!! Quiet!!" Aragorn yelled, losing all patience.

"Nooooo!!!!!" Kelsey and GT both yelled back mockingly.

"Yes!" Aragorn argued.

"No!" The girls. yelled back.

"You maidens are worse than orcs!" Aragorn told them.

"Oh, you better watch what you say buddy, 'cause when my army of blood sucking squirrels, brain sucking llamas, killer bunnies, rabid sparrows, rabid chipmunks and demonic pikas takes over the world, they're comin' for you first." Kelsey informed him, once again descending into bitchy valley girl mode.

"SILENCE!!!!!!!" Aragorn yelled so loudly that it caught the attention of a group of riders who happened to be riding past. They turned their horses around and surrounded Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, and the two psychos.

"Hey! Look GT, it's Eomer!" Kelsey yelled loudly, jumping up and down and pointing, almost poking GT's eye out.

"Yes Kels, I can see that. Now stop that before you poke my eye out." GT told her friend.

"Poke eye? I never do that!" Kelsey argued. "I have perfect hand eye coordination!" She waved her hand to prove her point, whacking herself in the face.

GT shook her head as her friend rubbed her face and hopped up and down.

Kelsey, who never had anything remotely resembling patience, took the opportunity to interrupt on the conversation that all sane people were having at the present moment.

"Dude, just give us horses already!" Kelsey told him, rolling her eyes.

"Why?" Eomer asked, taken aback by this girls rudeness.

"Because you assclown, I said so!" Kelsey told him.

"What?" Eomer asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry, am I not speaking Eomer talk?" Kelsey asked sarcastically. She grunted and pointed at a few horses, then to herself.

Eomer was by now very much insulted by this maiden, and drew his sword.

Kelsey, who is a total and complete moron, merely rolled her eyes and kicked Eomer as hard as she could in the shin. Which is when she realized that he was wearing armor, and that the armor was hard, and that it hurt when you kicked it.

"Ow!!!!!!!" She screamed, followed by profanities I'm not sure if I'm allowed to write down in a PG 13 fic. (A/N Just use your imagination.)

Meanwhile, GT had her face in her hands at how stupid her friend was acting, Gimli was still whimpering about the blood sucking squirrels, Legolas was trying not to laugh at Gimli, and Aragorn was wishing that he could just be rid of these psychopaths. Eomer advanced on Kelsey with his sword.

You would think that Kelsey would have had the common sense to dodge the attack, or at least apologize for pissing him off. But no, since Kelsey was 99% stupid, (the other 1% was the only reason that she was still alive), she merely screamed "oooh, pointy things!" and grabbed the sword.

Eomer just snatched the sword back out of her hand.

"Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!!!!!" Kelsey whined, grabbing the sword back.

"It is my sword!" Eomer yelled, taking it again.

"Mine!" Kelsey argued, grabbing it out of his hand again.

"No, it is mine!" Eomer argued, taking it away from her.

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine times infinity, I WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kelsey yelled.

"Okay, if you give me back my sword, I will give you three horses." Eomer attempted to bribe her.

"Four." Kelsey argued.

"Fine." Eomer agreed.

Kelsey reluctantly handed over the sword.

Eomer snapped his fingers and four horses were lead forward.

"Dibs on the buckskin!" Kelsey yelled, grabbing the reins of a horse that was the same colour as Starbuck, her horse back home.

GT, Legolas and Aragorn grabbed the remaining sets of reins. GT warned Gimli that the horses may be in league with the blood sucking squirrels, so he was standing as far away as possible.

"Can we just get moving already?" Kelsey asked, easily swinging into the saddle.

"How the hell can you do that so easily?" GT asked, hopping on one foot as she tried to mount her horse.

"I've been riding since I was five, braincell." Kelsey said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh. Right. I forgot that small detail." GT muttered. 

Meanwhile, Aragorn was trying to persuade Gimli that the horses were not in league with the blood sucking squirrels.

"Gimli, there is no such thing as a blood sucking squirrel." Aragorn told him.

"Yes there is!" Gimli whimpered.

"Maidens, tell him there is no such thing as a blood sucking squirrel." Aragorn asked GT and Kelsey.

"Oh, there sure is!" Kelsey said. "And they're gonna take over the world under my command and the leadership of Fluffy Bob, along with the brain sucking llamas, lead by Gasbag, the faithful steed of Fluffy Bob, and then there are also the rabid sparrows, the rabid chipmunks, the killer bunnies, and the demonic pikas, and they fund their world domination operation through the underground nightclubs and bars, where Fluffy Bob is the head DJ, and the other squirrels run the coat check, the llamas run the valet service, the sparrows are the shooter people, the chipmunks run the beer tub, the bunnies are the bouncers and the pikas are the bartenders, and they're gonna take over the world, and they're comin' for you first!!!!" With this, Kelsey has broken her previous record of a 72 word sentence, as well as totally confused Aragorn and Legolas, as well as scare the living daylights out of Gimli.

"Why don't we just leave Gimli here?" GT asked.

"As long as I do not have to go anywhere near those evil beasts!" Gimli agreed.

"Fine." Kelsey said. "Just remember, there are demonic pikas in these parts."

"I'm coming!!!!!" Gimli yelled, scrambling up behind Legolas.

Kelsey and GT looked at each other, shrugged and rode after Aragorn.

***********************************************************************

Okay, you know the drill. You review, I write more. I'm going skiing for three days so I can't update for a while, on this or my other fics, so be patient okay ^_^.


	3. Racing, Getting Lost, Flirting

Non Mary Sueish Mary Sues

Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER:

DT: Yadda yadda yadda, me no own LOTR. Take your lawyer and shove it up your-

Dark Omen: You shouldn't swear.

DT: I never swear. *eye twitch*

Dark Omen: Suure.

************************************************************************

"So, where're we goin'?" GT asked, riding after Aragorn.

"To. The Uruk. Hai. Camp." Aragorn told her for the last time.

"Okay. Hey Kels, wanna race?"

"Okay." Kels agreed. "Go!" She yelled, taking off in the exact opposite direction that they were going, followed by GT.

Aragorn rolled his eyes and went to follow them, motioning for Legolas to follow him.

"No!" Gimli yelled. "I will not go any closer to the demonic pikas!"

Legolas tried not to laugh, while Aragorn sighed in frustration. 

"Gimli, there is no such thing as a demonic pika." Aragorn told the dwaf patiently.

"Oh yes there is!"

MEANWHILE...

"Kels, I thought you knew where you were going!" GT yelled.

"I do know where I'm going!" Kelsey protested. "My incredible sense of direction told me to go this way."

"Kels, would this be the same incredible sense of direction that helped you be half an hour late to come over to my house?" GT asked.

"No, that would be your directions." Kelsey argued.

"I gave good directions!" GT protested.

"No, you just said, 'turn left a bunch of times'!" Kelsey argued.

"So? Those directions were easy enough to follow!" GT yelled. "Plus you were the one who walked around the whole West Edmonton Mall before finding a Booster Juice!"

"So?" Kelsey asked. "At least I don't...uh...do something!" Kelsey resorted to immaturely sticking out her tongue.

"Reeeal mature Kels." GT said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh shaddup!" Kelsey yelled, crossing her arms.

"No!!!"

"YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kelsey yelled at the top of her lungs. Which attracted a random group of Orcs who happened to be passing by.

"NICE ONE DUMBASS!!!!!!!!!!!" GT yelled.

"Hey, we can take 'em." Kelsey argued. "Oh SHIT!!!!!!! We don't have any weapons!!!!"

"Ya!!!! SHERLOCK!!!!!!!!!" GT screamed back.

"Okay...Umm...This isn't too good is it?" Kelsey asked.

"No. No it's not." GT replied.

"Umm...Got a plan?" Kelsey asked.

"Why the hell would I have a plan? You're the genius who made them come over here?" GT asked.

"Umm...okay. Lemme think." Kelsey said, ignoring the orcs that were closing in on her and her friend.

"HURRY UP ASSCLOWN!!!!!!!!!" GT yelled.

The orcs kept closing in on the friends.

"KELS!!!! HURRY YOUR ASS UP!!!!!!!!" GT yelled.

"WELL IF YOU WOULD SHUT UP I WOULD THINK FASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kelsey yelled.

"WELL YOU BETTER THINK AWFULLY DAMN FAST, BECAUSE THERE'S AN ANGRY HORDE OF ORCS CLOSING IN ON US FAST!!!!!!!" GT yelled back.

"SHUT UP BITCH!!!!!!" Kelsey yelled back.

"LIKE HELL!!!!!" GT yelled.

The orcs encircled them as the two friends kept arguing, paying no attention to the orcs.

GT turned her back on her friend, and was hit in the back of the head with something.

"DAMN IT KELS!!!!! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT?!!!" GT yelled, before noticing the scene before her.

Several people on horses were now killing all the orcs. By the looks of it, Kels was just as suprised and confused as she was.

The leader of the horsemen rode up to the girls, dismounted and removed his helmet. The girls were suprised to see that he was their age.

"What are two unarmed maidens doing travelling by themselves?" He asked.

"We were travelling with three others, but-" GT began but she was cut off by Kelsey.

"Hi. You see, we lost our companions we were travelling with." Kelsey began, batting her eyelashes.

"More like your incredible-" GT interrupted, but Kelsey cut her off with a sharp elbow to the ribs.

"What are your names?" The leader asked.

"I'm GT, and the one flirting with you is Kelsey." GT explained.

"Hey! I am not flirting!" Kelsey lied, fluttering her eyelashes again.

"Oh puh-leeze!" GT said, rolling her eyes.

"You aren't flirting? Because it's working." The leader said to Kelsey, who giggled.

"If you excuse me, I think I'll go over there and PUKE MY GUTS OUT!!!!" GT yelled, rolling her eyes.

"Why?" Kelsey asked, looking away from the eyes of the leader.

"You don't even know the guy's name and you're flirting with him?" GT asked.

"My name is Talath." The leader told her.

"There! Now I know his name. I can flirt now." Kels said, smiling and turning back to Talath.

GT hit herself in the forehead with the heel of her hand. Then she had a brilliant idea. "You guys wanna learn a new, fun way of dancing?"

"Suuure." The group answered, except for Talath, who was still making out with Kelsey.

"WILL YOU STOP EATING EACH OTHER'S FACES OFF?!!!!!!!!!!!!" GT yelled. 

Kelsey blushed and straightened her shirt.

"Okay, let's dance." GT said, pulling a cd player and cd's out of her backpack.

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Review Okay?


	4. Hip hop dancing, rap music

Non Mary Sueish Mary Sues

Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: 

DT: Okay, if by now you don't get that I don't own Lord of the Rings, then you're either stupid, or you belong in your local insane assylum.

Water Lily: What? Fluff place? Where?

DT: Relax Gen, I was only-

Water Lily: THEY'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!!!! *runs off with cans of pepper spray that she was saving for science class in her hands*

DT: Uh oh. *runs off after Gen, following the trail of people screaming and trying to claw their eyes out*

************************************************************************

Scary Narrator Dude: Last time on Non Mary Sueish Mary Sues...

Our heroes-

Kelsey: Heroes? Dude, you screwed in da head.

SND: Okay, the complete idiots who got themselves hopelessly lost met up with a group of riders who happened to be their age. Naturally, being the shameless flirts that they are, they-

GT: Hey! I am not a shameless flirt!

Kelsey: That would be me.

SND: Fine then. Kelsey, being the shameless flirt that she is, immediatly had the eye of the leader, and the riders are now learning how to dance.

************************************************************************

"Okay, what did you call this again?" Talath asked Kelsey, who was looking through her CD's for her burned rap/hip hop/dance one.

"Hip hop dancing." Kelsey repeated, finally finding the CD, (which had 'KENNEDY IF YOU TOUCH THIS I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL KILL YOU!!' written on it). "Okay GT, found it!"

GT looked at the CD. "Lemme guess, your brother's been stealing your CD's again."

"How'd you guess?" Kelsey asked innocently.

"I'm psychic." GT replied sarcastically.

"Whatever. Just play the CD." Kelsey told her friend, rolling her eyes. She turned to the riders, who had all dismounted and removed their helmets, and looked pretty much just like Talath. "Okay, basically, you just sorta bounce up and down to the music on the spot and kinda sway from side to side."

GT automatically blared the CD.

"You can do it, put your back into it. I can do it, put your ass into it!" GT sang along, dancing to the beat easily.

The riders soon got the hang of it, and were dancing just as happily as the girls.

"What is this music called?" Kalid, one of Talath's friends asked.

"Rap!" GT yelled over the loud music. "This is a rapper called 50 Cent!"

"Okay!" 

Meanwhile, Kelsey was practically dancing in Talath's lap, at the same time flirting with about five other guys. GT just rolled her eyes at her friend's stupidity.

"This was fun, but we have to get back to Rohan!" Talath yelled to Kelsey.

"One second!" She yelled back, grabbing GT's arm and pulling her aside. "They're goin to Rohan, why don't we just go with them, aren't we just gonna end up there anyways?"

"Okay, sounds like a plan." GT agreed, quickly stopping the music and cramming the CD player back into her bag.

"We're gonna come with you guys okay?" Kelsey asked, batting her eyelashes at Talath.

"Okay." Talath agreed. "But we have to ride swiftly."

"Got no problem with dat!" GT chimed in.

So the group took off in what GT and Kelsey assumed was the direction of Rohan. Of course, since neither of them could be trusted in anything involving direction or navigation, they decided to ask.

" 'Kay, where exactly are we goin'?" GT asked Kalid, since Talath was too busy flirting with Kelsey to agknowledge her presence.

"We are going back to Rohan." He explained.

"To Endoras?" GT asked.

"No." Kalid answered.

"Oh shit. KELSEY?!!!" GT yelled.

"Mmm hmm?" Kelsey asked, not looking away from Talath.

"Kels, get your ass over here!" GT yelled.

"Ya, what?" Kelsey asked, riding over to GT.

"We got a problem." GT explained. "We're going to Rohan, Rohan. Not Endoras."

"....So?...." Kelsey asked.

"So, dumbass, the eoplepay areay oinggay otay attckay ohanray!" GT pointed out, speaking in pig latin in case anyone happened to be listening.

"Oh." Kelsey realized. "That may present a small problem."

"No shit." GT shot back. 

"Hey! Wait a second! They already attacked Rohan! We'll just find an abandoned smoking ruin!" Kelsey pointed out.

"Hey! You're right!" GT agreed.

"Okay, so we keep going with them?" Kelsey asked.

"Ya, I guess we should-" GT began, but Kelsey rode back over to Talath and resumed her flirting.

GT rolled her eyes, laughed, and followed behind her friend.

MEANWHILE.....

"Gimli, there is no such thing as a demonic pika." Aragorn explained for the final time.

"But the maidens siad that there are! And they are going to kill me when I sleep!" Gimli argued.

"Gimli, let me rephrase this. We are going to look for the maidens, and it doesn't matter if you want to come or not, you are still coming." Aragorn tried again.

"No! I will not go any closer to the demonic pikas!" Gimli insisted.

"Fine then, we'll just leave you here." Legolas said, turning his horse away.

"WAIT FOR ME!!" Gimli yelled, running after the horses.

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Okay, that chapter was a little on the short side, but the next one will make up for it. So just review this one while I work on the next one okay ^_^


	5. PARTAY!

Non Mary Sueish Mary Sues

Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: 

DT: I don't own Lord of the Rings. I own Kelsey, any random characters I come up with, and have partial control over Kennedy, my little brother.

Dark Omen: I don't even wanna ask.

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"What happened?" Talath asked, overlooking the smoking ruins of Rohan.

"The wild men attacked." GT informed him. "Some of the people managed to escape to Endoras."

"Oh, okay." Talath said, seeming unconcerned with the fact that his family could easily be dead.

"Hey! I have the bestest idea. We're talking brilliant beyond brilliant here!" Kelsey exclaimed.

"Shoot." GT told her.

"Remember that party we threw in the abandoned barn that one time?" Kelsey asked, smiling.

"Ya, it was fun until the cops-" GT remembered, but she was cut off by her impatient friend.

"No, forget about the cops, that's not important right now." Kelsey said, waving her hand. "Party? Abandoned barn?" She asked, looking pointedly at the ruins of Rohan.

GT smiled evilly. "AWESOME IDEA!!"

"What was her idea?" Talath asked.

"Allow us to show you. Follow us." Kelsey said, riding down to Rohan.

Barely fifteen minutes later, the party was in full swing. GT had brought out the CD player, and cranked it full blast. Kelsey had somehow pulled a display of alchohol that wouldn't have looked out of place in a bar. Or, rather, the bar owners would have been jealous of the sheer amounts of liquor on display.

Kelsey, who was dancing with Talath, and flirting with every guy within a ten meter radius, had managed to drink just as much, if not more, than her twenty-one year old sister could drink on an average night at the bar. GT, who couldn't drink even one glass of beer without throwing up, had wisely stayed away from the bar, but was still having a good time. And, by the looks of it, she was the only sober person there.

"This is, like, the craziest thing we've ever done!" Kelsey yelled over the loud rap music. "I wanna dance aaaaaaaaall niiiiiight."

"Kels, exactly how much have you been drinking?" GT asked, amused at her friend.

"I have noooo idea." Kelsey answered, pouring herself another Smirnoff Ice.

GT considered telling her friend that maybe drinking this much wasn't a good idea, but stopped herself and ran off to find a camera. This would be some good blackmail.

GT ran over to where she had left her backpack.

"Watcha dooooin?" Kelsey asked.

"I'm getting my camera." GT answered. "Hey, what's that?" She asked, pointing off into the distance.

"Where?" Kelsey asked, turning around.

GT ran off, hoping that her drunk friend could find her way back to the party.

Spotting three figures at the top of the hill, and still hopelessly drunk, she called out to them. "YO!!!! COME AND JOIN THE PARTY HAUS!!!!!!!"

***********************************************************************

Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli had been following the maiden's trail for the better part of the night, when they heard loud music. Following the noise, they found themselves overlooking the ruins of Rohan, which was filled with young people.

"YO!!!! COME AND JOIN THE PARTY HAUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Someone yelled, stumbling back to the others.

"Is that-?" Legolas asked.

"Yes, that's one of them all right." Aragorn answered.

"I will go and get them." Legolas said, riding down the hill.

************************************************************************

"WHERE THE PARTY AT!!!!!" GT screamed along with the CD. Kelsey had taken her camera, not quite drunk enough to believe the 'pictures for the paper' excuse. But GT had found plenty of sugar, and was almost as bad as her friend. '_Speaking of Kelsey, where is she?'_ she wondered. "Meh." She said, shrugging and dancing some more.

"HEY GT!!!!!!!! PLAY HOT IN HERRE!!!!!!!!!!!" Kelsey yelled.

"NO!" GT answered quickly, knowing her friend was likely drunk enough to obey the song.

"Fiiiiiine." Kelsey muttered stumbling off to the other side of the room.

GT did get sick of the song playing, and switched it. "TURN ME ON!!! TURN ME ON!!!" She yelled. Someone tapped her on the shoulder.

Spinning around she saw Legolas behind her.

"Now, I know this looks bad but- KELSEY!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH TANAD?!!!!!!!!!!!" She yelled.

"More like on him." Legolas observed.

"Oh my God." GT muttered, smacking herself in the forehead. 

"What's wrong?" Legolas asked.

"This party should be fun, but since I can't drink, I haven't gotten totally boozed up, I'm gonna be in sooo much shit when Aragorn finds out, and my best friend is on top of a FICTIONAL CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!" GT screamed. "Excuse me for a minute."

Walking over to Kelsey, she grabbed her hair and yanked her off of Tanad, then stormed back over to Legolas.

"HEY LEGGY!!!!!!!!" Kelsey yelled, tackling him. "HERE!!!! HAVE SOME BOOZE!!!!!!!!!" She yelled, forcing some Smirnoff Ice down his thoat.

"Kels! Cut it out before you get him drunk!" GT gasped.

"What, it's a science experiment!" Kelsey protested.

"And that would be...?"

"Do elves get as drunk as I do?" Kelsey asked. Suddenly, she jumped up, pressed a button on the stereo and screamed, "HOT IN HERRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Where did she get this stuff?" Legolas asked.

"Over there." GT said, pointing to the shrinking alchohol display.

Legolas walked over to the bar and proceded to get in a state of drunkenness that was almost as bad as Kelsey's, (who, by the way, was managing to drink and dance at the same time).

"Oh well." GT said, dancing.

"I AM GETTIN SO HOT I WANNA TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF!!!!!!!!!!" Kelsey screamed.

"YOUNG MAIDEN, DON'T YOU DARE!!!!!!" Aragorn yelled, riding up.

"HEY ARAGORN, YOU WANNA GET DRUNK?!!!!!!!!!!!!" Legolas yelled.

"Legolas, are you drunk?" Aragorn asked in horror.

"You betcha!" Legolas answered. "HEY GT, YOU'RE OUTA THIS ICEY STUFF!!!!!!!!!"

Gimli had by now turned off the stereo.

"Hey!!!! No fair!" Kelsey whined. "How am I gonna dance if there's no music?!! I hafta get my groove on!!!!!"

"And exactly how much has she been drinking?" Aragorn asked GT.

"Trust me, you don't even wanna- AW SCREW IT, MY TURN TO GET DRUNK!!!!!!!!" GT ran over to the bar and chugged a bottle of random hard liquor. "Hey! It looks like I can drink in Middle Earth!!!!!!!!!!!" She soon had another bottle.

"That is ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!" Aragorn yelled. "YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!!!!!!"

"You're right, we probaly should. Meh." GT yelled.

"YOUNG MAIDENS, YOU WILL COME WITH ME!!!" Aragorn yelled. "You too Legolas."

"Aw, damn it." Legolas complained.

"Um...where's Kels?" GT asked.

"YOUNG MAIDEN!!!!! GET OFF OF THAT BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!" Aragorn yelled. "NOW COME!!!!!!!!!"

Aragorn rode off, followed by Gimli, with the drunk elf and teenagers following, grabbing some booze, "for the road".

***********************************************************************

Well, that was "interesting". Umm.ya. Review this while I get some mental help. Or some Sugar. *eyes glaze over* WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!


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